What Women Do

 I did not know Bill well but I knew Zihna. He had been her whole world . Now he was dead. Quite a few years older than she, Zihna knew it would happen one day but this was the day. She called his children and together they kept vigil until he died in her arms at 4:30am Saturday morning.He went peacefully.

 One of her friends had suggested that there be a gathering of women to prepare his body for cremation. At first , Zihna was not sure she could do this but the idea seemed right. She said yes and called other women friends to join her in this ritual. Five women gathered at her house then headed to the funeral home together. I joined them in spirit in Mexico. Two women had no experience with ritual and three did, yet when they gathered each woman had known just what to bring, and was open to her role . Kathy was told to bring towels. Instead she went to the local you-can-get-everything store in their small town, She purchased small white wash cloths, and purple ribbon. She has small copies of Bills photo made and wrapped the wash cloths with Bills photo on top and tied it all with the purple ribbon. Deb is an award winning quilter. She purchased nine yards of a gauze-like fabric and hemmed it so that they could wrap the washed corpse in it before cremation.She also made an elegant altar cloth and gifted it to Zihna after the ceremony.
Val brought 2 white feathers and blessed each woman's hands by touching them before they began to wash Bill. Zihna brought the wedding candle that graced the marriage ceremony.
I am lighting the candles on the altar I created in Mexico. Mexico is known for elaborate Day of the Dead rituals and altars are common in the streets. There are many elements easily available for creating amazingly lovely altars.

On a walk during the afternoon, I gathered wild flowers. It is the rainy season in the high desert mountains and there are tiny wildflowers to weave into a circle wreath. I often used this technique to quiet my mind in Wisconsin where wildflowers were plentiful in the summer. I asked for a sign, something from Bill or Zihnas helpers to be able to offer her. As I walk past a store the Simon and Garfunkel song Bridge Over Troubled Waters is playing. It is rare to hear American music. I think this is the sign and hurry home to look up the lyrics.

When you're weary 
Feeling small 
When tears are in your eyes                            
I will dry them all 

I'm on your side 
When times get rough 
And friends just can't be found 
Like a bridge over troubled water 
I will lay me down 
Like a bridge over troubled water 
I will lay me down 

When you're down and out 
When you're on the street 
When evening falls so hard 
I will comfort you 
[ Lyrics from: om/s/simon+and+arfunkel/bridge+over+troubled+water_20124580.html ] 
I'll take your part 
When darkness comes 
And pain is all around 
Like a bridge over troubled water 
I will lay me down 
Like a bridge over troubled water 
I will lay me down 

Sail on Silver Girl,                                                                   
Sail on by 
Your time has come to shine                                                
All your dreams are on their way 

                                               

 See how they shine 

If you need a friend 
I'm sailing right behind 
Like a bridge over troubled water 
I will ease your mind 
Like a bridge over troubled water 
I will ease your mind

YES THIS DEFINITELY WAS THE MESSAGE. Zhina had looked to Bill to always be by her side and yet now it was her time to Sail on Silver Girl . Her time had come to shine. And Bill was telling her he would be sailing right behind to ease her mind.
I filled a small glass bowl with water and placed it in the center of the flower wreath. I dropped 4 heart shaped stones (one black, one red, one white and one pink) into the water and floated small white jasmine blossoms. I surrounded the wreath with rosemary and tamarind seeds.

 Along side the water bowl I placed a small ceramic skeleton woman , dressed elegantly waiting.. Mexico is filled with these skeleton figures. They freaked me out at first but after I learned they are an honoring of life and a reminder of how short it is I relaxed and enjoyed the humor of them.





I took some photos and emailed Zihna the words to Bridge over Troubled Water, hoping that she might see some inkling of a connection to Bill . During the night the sweet scent of rosemary mixed with jasmine floated into my awareness.

The next day one of the ladies at the ceremony emails me. She tells me that they all honored my being with them in spirit. Zhina asks some grandchildren to play sing Bridge Over Troubled Water at Bills funeral.
After the ritual they perform they create a talking circle to express their feelings about being called to do this sacred circle. 
For two days I lit the candles and  then I clear the altar. It has served its purpose and I cleanse it with sage smoke. It is complete and 
we women have done what women do.